The last thing anyone wants to hear when they are having a difficult time, is a pithy quotation of positive thinking. "Choose Joy!" doesn't go so far when you're practically falling from an airplane (emotionally speaking). In those moments, truly it's more comforting to hear something like..."Hold on, honey, it will be over soon!" And it will.
So choosing joy doesn't happen in the middle of the very worst parts, there is just too much momentum going against joy at that point. So when does choosing joy happen? Its much more subtle and practiced. We choose joy one better feeling thought at a time. When we get that very first distressful thought- boom, THAT's the time to stop and choose joy. When we barely start to feel the smallest bit of anxiety or unease. THAT's the most important moment of your day to STOP everything and find a better feeling if you can.
2. Thought inquiry (link to my free downloadable worksheets)
3. Self Soothing
4. Find a better feeling thought by going general
5. Distract yourself
6. Change the subject in your mind
7. Take a nap or go to bed (this stops all thought momentum)
When we first get started in healing, choosing joy is an uncomfortable thing to practice. We are not used to feeling good and in many aspects, it makes us feel vulnerable and uneasy when we feel joy. This is because our brains and bodies have so often become adjusted and even reliant (or addicted) on the stress chemicals related to stress and drama. In a sense your body begins to CRAVE the emotional soup that it's come to expect from you. So yeah, it gets uncomfy for a bit as we begin to ease that pattern.
The thing is, it's awkward, but it really does feel better. So to be clear, I'm not saying to do or things that actually make you feel WORSE, but rather that getting better can simply feel strange and uncomfortable for a bit.
However, trying new things (like the things listed above) will be the best way to get new and different results in your life!
Change comes in little by little, which is good because we don't want it to come all at once, right!? Take the time to relax your way into better and better thoughts, then better and better feelings. Before you know it, momentum will be on your side and the ease will come more naturally to you.
You are not your thoughts. Every thought that has ever been thought still exists. Your thoughts become forms. Thought forms then think themselves...flowing like a stream over and over. Your thoughts are your creations...which means you don’t have to believe them, let alone think you ARE them. You’d never smell a flower and think that smell was coming from inside you, right? Just like your nose is translating the scent molecules into springtime delight, your mind is translating thought forms into words! Thoughts are to be observed and enjoyed, or observed and ignored. (Depending on the thought). The quality of your thoughts is a mere indicator of your emotional state. Want better thoughts? Find better feelings. The bottom line? You are not your thoughts. No, you are love and you are good, darling. Settle your mind a while and find that open place of allowing. Let new thoughts arrive. The better the thought feels, the closer it is a match to that true you. You= unconditional love. And unconditional love doesn’t alter its rules just so you can feel better, you know? Get picky about how you feel. Don’t tolerate hanging around with thought forms that feel bad! Because that’s not who you are. And the bad feelings are proof that you are love- not the other way around.
What is warmth? What does warmth say? How does it sound? How does it feel?
Many of us who are recovering from relational trauma did not get enough warmth as a child- our caregivers were distracted by their own fears and thoughts - leaving us missing out.
You can reset your present moment by giving yourself what you didn’t get. You can change your family and your parenting by starting with yourself!
In this video I talk about ways to offer yourself messages of warmth.
If you are needing support in healing from relational trauma, I offer a free consultation!
More at my website: www.thewellsessions.com. Distance sessions available.
Have you ever said, "well, part of me wants one thing, and another part of me wants something else!" ("Part of me wants to feel better, but another part of me doesn't! Part of me wants to wait, but another part of me is so excited. Part of me agrees with them and another part of me doesn't. Part of me is annoyed but another part of me feels like it's all just totally fine and I should relax...)
Does this sound familiar to you?
I like to call this: "inner conflict between parts".
I listen with my clients to all their inner parts, offering them deep understanding and extending compassion until each part can relax.
When these parts of you are no longer taking up so much energy and time, it opens the door for you to live in the present moment.
Being in the present is a creative and enthusiastic experience, not a lethargic and naive one.
Imagine the freedom you'll have once you're no longer pushed and pulled between the past or the future. It's similar to shutting down programs that are running in the background of your computer, creating problems. We discover those programs, and the inherently good reasons why they exist, only to close them and find the system instantly returns to a state of equilibrium.
This work is called Internal Family Systems and it's a style of counseling created by Rick Schwartz about twenty years ago.
Check out this diagram to learn more!
Schedule a free consultation with me today! Lets talk about your parts and see what we can create together.
I hear some people say,
"until all are free, then I am not free"
but what if that is only another form of bondage?
Let this instead be my anthem,
That I will hold and insist
that I will declare and repeat
until my dying breath,
YOU ARE FREE
You are already free
You. Are. Free.
May I whisper it between the bars
between the waves
between the onslaughts
between the injustices
between the suffering.
May I shout it until my voice is hoarse.
May I carry the message
in every breath I take, with every glance, with every decision.
I am free.
And I can choose
to live a free life
or to live in bondage.
That's how free I am.
That's how free you are.
You are free, darling.
No one can ever enslave *you*
No one can ever take away the beauty of who you are
No one can take away your thoughts or tell you what to think.
I too have been in the dark
I too have been held down
completely lost and forsaken
on the verge of death
deeply separated from everything good.
I too have stood in the water up to my neck,
waves over my head, drowning, gasping, reaching
reaching for what I knew was there.
The truth is, I never found the shore.
I became the shore. I realized that I AM the shore.
My understanding became alive when I quieted my mind, when I comforted the inner voices, when I compassionately saw what all this heat and chaos was creating.
Like a volcano, I was rising up and becoming an island.
I was becoming more of what I wanted. More of who I already am.
A powerful creative being with limitless potential.
Yes, I was the shore all along.
It was right here! I was right here.
When I stopped my inner war and personal violence, I could see it.
And Love restored me to sanity.
I am free
and I will not stop telling my story
until everyone I meet
remembers who they are too.
This is my duty.
This is my purpose.
This is my mission.
This is why I came.
So that you would know
this one thing
and this alone.
You are free.
You are free.
You are free.
You will rise.
You will rise.
You will rise.
And it is a pleasure to watch you becoming.
And until all remember and know deep within that they are free, I will press on. I will press on.
Looking for a counselor who can help you find your true self and burst into the freedom of who you are? My clients find stable ground after years of living in chaos. Let me support you and hold space for healing.