What is warmth? What does warmth say? How does it sound? How does it feel?
Many of us who are recovering from relational trauma did not get enough warmth as a child- our caregivers were distracted by their own fears and thoughts - leaving us missing out.
You can reset your present moment by giving yourself what you didn’t get. You can change your family and your parenting by starting with yourself!
In this video I talk about ways to offer yourself messages of warmth.
If you are needing support in healing from relational trauma, I offer a free consultation!
More at my website: www.thewellsessions.com. Distance sessions available.
Have you ever said, "well, part of me wants one thing, and another part of me wants something else!" ("Part of me wants to feel better, but another part of me doesn't! Part of me wants to wait, but another part of me is so excited. Part of me agrees with them and another part of me doesn't. Part of me is annoyed but another part of me feels like it's all just totally fine and I should relax...)
Does this sound familiar to you?
I like to call this: "inner conflict between parts".
I listen with my clients to all their inner parts, offering them deep understanding and extending compassion until each part can relax.
When these parts of you are no longer taking up so much energy and time, it opens the door for you to live in the present moment.
Being in the present is a creative and enthusiastic experience, not a lethargic and naive one.
Imagine the freedom you'll have once you're no longer pushed and pulled between the past or the future. It's similar to shutting down programs that are running in the background of your computer, creating problems. We discover those programs, and the inherently good reasons why they exist, only to close them and find the system instantly returns to a state of equilibrium.
This work is called Internal Family Systems and it's a style of counseling created by Rick Schwartz about twenty years ago.
Check out this diagram to learn more!
Schedule a free consultation with me today! Lets talk about your parts and see what we can create together.
I hear some people say,
"until all are free, then I am not free"
but what if that is only another form of bondage?
Let this instead be my anthem,
That I will hold and insist
that I will declare and repeat
until my dying breath,
YOU ARE FREE
You are already free
You. Are. Free.
May I whisper it between the bars
between the waves
between the onslaughts
between the injustices
between the suffering.
May I shout it until my voice is hoarse.
May I carry the message
in every breath I take, with every glance, with every decision.
I am free.
And I can choose
to live a free life
or to live in bondage.
That's how free I am.
That's how free you are.
You are free, darling.
No one can ever enslave *you*
No one can ever take away the beauty of who you are
No one can take away your thoughts or tell you what to think.
I too have been in the dark
I too have been held down
completely lost and forsaken
on the verge of death
deeply separated from everything good.
I too have stood in the water up to my neck,
waves over my head, drowning, gasping, reaching
reaching for what I knew was there.
The truth is, I never found the shore.
I became the shore. I realized that I AM the shore.
My understanding became alive when I quieted my mind, when I comforted the inner voices, when I compassionately saw what all this heat and chaos was creating.
Like a volcano, I was rising up and becoming an island.
I was becoming more of what I wanted. More of who I already am.
A powerful creative being with limitless potential.
Yes, I was the shore all along.
It was right here! I was right here.
When I stopped my inner war and personal violence, I could see it.
And Love restored me to sanity.
I am free
and I will not stop telling my story
until everyone I meet
remembers who they are too.
This is my duty.
This is my purpose.
This is my mission.
This is why I came.
So that you would know
this one thing
and this alone.
You are free.
You are free.
You are free.
You will rise.
You will rise.
You will rise.
And it is a pleasure to watch you becoming.
And until all remember and know deep within that they are free, I will press on. I will press on.
Looking for a counselor who can help you find your true self and burst into the freedom of who you are? My clients find stable ground after years of living in chaos. Let me support you and hold space for healing.
You know stuff.
You deeply deeply know so much. You know as much as any other person and it's as close as your body).
Your body knows YES.
Your body knows NO.
This is the voice of Love in you.
And yet you so often push it down, ignore it, blaze past like you've got wheels on your shoes.
I know first hand how it's easy to ignore that subtle voice of Love.
Love is always getting your attention, directing you towards the easiest path, offering you a reminder of the truth that you are good.
And you've got major blinders on, honey. Stylish? maybe. Helpful? not so much.
Honestly, if you could pause 20 steps back there when Love was using your feelings and heart and body to signal you, to tell you..."meh...nah...not so great...don't like...thumbs down...stop...this is not for me..." then I promise, your life would start to make more sense to you.
Life wouldn't have to scream at you with the headlines and disasters that leave you in your victimhood and chaos.
Heed the subtle messages. Slow down and listen to the voice that is always always speaking..."hang on there honey..."
Love is with you all the way. Love can not leave. Love is not annoyed when you ignore it's whispers. Love just loves you in whatever pickle or paradise you find yourself.
But Life is not here to please you. Life is here to please Love.
And when you stand in blame against all that comes to greet you while you're living in your "no', Life simply says, "but you wanted NO"!
Life simply loves itself so much that it is determined to work in this way: That we be given exactly what matches where we stand.
So...that person you meet from your ignored place of "no"? BOUND to be a "no" !
It can't be any other way. This is all co-created.
Our problems come from ignoring what we know and then starting a war with the reality we created.
If we line up with Love, everything will line up for YES.
Love stands sturdy in knowing who you are and sends that beacon to you incessantly. Constant guidance.
Life loves you and always tells you yes, no matter if you're in line with Love or not.
So if your life is bringing you lots of NO, then it means that you are standing in a place of NO.
Do you not see how deeply brilliant and wanted and capable and powerful and good you are?
Isn't it good to know that it can all begin with you?
Love is the path.
Do you find it hard to listen to that subtle voice? Does life keep bringing you "NO"?
Helpful idea for your day:
Ever pulled out a Tupperware of leftovers and taken one whiff only to gag and toss it in the trash? Let’s be honest, I’ve thrown away entire containers!
All of us know and trust our sense of smell (albeit isn’t all that strong) as a reliable voice meaning, “Hey! Don’t eat that!!”
Well did you know that your feelings work in the exact same way?
Your negative feelings are helpful and accurate guidance letting you know that your CURRENT THOUGHTS ARENT GOOD FOR YOU!
It’s that easy.
In other words, if your thoughts cause you to feel bad... it actually means your thoughts AREN’T TRUE!
Who could you be today if you trusted all that emotion just the way you trust your nose...or your skin when it lets you know “ouch, that hurts!”
Yikes! That thought feels bad, I think I’d better think a different one.
Let’s try it.
Here’s a thought:
“I’m a failure”
How does that thought make you feel when you believe it?
Pretty bad right? Your brain probably calls up hundreds of memories appearing as facts to “prove” your point of view and before you know it you’re keeled over and lying in bed wishing it was all over already.
All that^ means “nope, not true...think again!”
Now how about this thought:
“I can see how I would have ended up where I am now based on the decisions I’ve made so far.”
(This takes away the judgement while still acknowledging the realty)
“It’s not exactly what I wanted, that’s true...”
“I don’t have to figure out all of those things right now in this red hot minute.”
What do you notice in your body when you think these?
Feels different huh? Calmer? Quieter? More manageable?
Yep, then that’s how you know those thoughts are “safe to think” for a life of free of thought poisoning.
Also, once you find a better stream of thought, you’ll be amazed to find more and more good feeling thoughts can come your way too. My examples are just the beginning!
“I’m seeing how I’ve actually come a long way.”
”I think most things have gotten better and better.”
Your emotions are one of the senses, they are helpful guidance always letting you know which way you’re going.
You’re not alone here....You’ve got a loud and helpful sensor built right in.
What could be possible for you if you could trust yourself again, follow what feels good and right, turn your face upward and know with your heart that you are ok?
You are ok. (How does that thought feel?)
Pa If you are arguing with the thought of being ok, that means you’ve got other thoughts coming in...who could you be if you didn’t believe those right now?
Who could you be, darling?
Perhaps you could be who you already are, beloved and good.
Always beloved and good.